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Sometimes I find a sig that sums it all up. Says it all in one line or less. A sig that makes you go hmmm...

If an infinite number of rednecks in the back of an infinite number of pickup trucks shoot an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce a complete version of Hamlet in braille.

If beauty is only skin deep, I must be inside out!

If I get male pattern baldness, I'd like zig-zags please.

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

If James Bond was an Amish spy, he would drink buttermilk. Shaken not churned.

If swimming is so good for you why are whales so fat?

If the #2 pencil is so popular why is it still #2?

If the human brain was simple enough for us to understand we'd be so simple we couldn't understand.

If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, then only left handed people are in their right mind.

If there was any logic in this world, it would be men who ride side-saddle, not women.

If Tiger lost his woods, would that be an example of irony?

If tomorrow never comes, then, you're dead.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing in the store is free yet?

If you blow in a dog's face-he'll get mad at you, but take him for a ride in the car - the first thing he does is stick his head out of the window!

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

Illegal drugs are the chlorine in the gene pool.

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink. - Shunryu Suzuki Roshi

Long periods of drought are always followed by rain.

Looking for enlightenment is like looking for a flashlight, when all you need the flashlight for is to find the flashlight.

Love letters, business contracts and money always arrive three weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent.

Man is a peculiar creature. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof and air-conditioned, and then eats in the yard.

Man must exist in a state of balance between risk and safety. Pure risk leads to self-destruction. Pure safety leads to stagnation. In between lies survival and progress.

Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

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