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Disclaimers were one of the original uses of signature files. Wouldn't it be a nice world if we didn't need to disclaim everything? Sheesh.

Warning: Spelling errors in this message are the product of a poor school system. Pay teachures more than athletes.

IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social fauxpas. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the mutt next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.

(If all email was written by Microsoft) Legal Notice: Receipt of this message constitutes your unconditional acceptance of agreement with all terms, conditions, conclusions and opinions, either expressed or implied, as interpreted by the author without further clarification. Use of any information contained herein [inclusive of any and all attachments] or omitted in part or in whole from the actual message is strictly prohibited and will be subject to collection of significant financial damages.

Disclaimer: the above is the author's personal opinion and is not the opinion or policy of his employer or of the little green men that have been following him all day.

Disclaimer: The views of my employer do not conform to my views, or to any accepted standard of logic that the Greeks thought up anyway...

Government Warning: We are corrupt and have sold out to corporate interest. Do not listen to our advice.

My opinion is neither copyrighted nor trademarked, and it's price competitive. If you like, I'll trade for one of yours.

None of the ideas expressed above are actually mine. They are told to me by Luthor and Ferdinand, the five inch tall space aliens who live under my desk. In return for these ideas, I have given them permission to eat any dust bunnies they may find under there.

Spotted on a button: 'Ambivalent? Well, yes and no....'

The facts expressed here belong to everybody, the opinions to me. The distinction is yours to draw...

The opinions above are solely those of a 12 year old hacker who has broken into my account, and not those of my employer or any other organization.

The opinions expressed above are yours. They are not necessarily those of my employer or myself.

The opinions expressed here are not those of my employer, my wife, my church, or myself... But they are the opinions of Elvis as revealed to me through the medium of my pet hamster, Lee Harvey Oswald...

The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of my employer, not necessarily mine, and probably not necessary.

The opinions expressed herein are those of absolutely everyone at National Instruments: the management, staff, stockholders, their spouses, children, dogs, and cats. In fact, everyone in Austin also agrees. No, make that Texas.

U.C.S.B. doesn't even know that I exist, let alone my opinions!

WARNING: I cannot be help responsible for the above, as apparently my cats have learned how to type.

Your eyes are weary from staring at the CRT. You feel sleepy. Notice how restful it is to watch the cursor blink. Close your eyes. The opinions stated above are yours. You cannot imagine why you ever felt otherwise. The opinions expressed in this letter do, in fact, represent the opinions of UCSD, its employees, faculty, and students, as well as the entire University of California system and its precious Regents, because, let's face it, I have that kind of power at my disposal.

The folks who created Coolsig want to help you stop procrastinating and get more done in much less time. Sign up below and we'll send you our Free Report right away.

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