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There you are, sitting in the computer lab, probably working on a term paper, when it suddenly dawns on you that you haven't changed your signature file in four days! Fear not, Scholar!

Professor: " don't ask me any stupid questions like, 'What's Newton's First Law?'" Student: "Who's Newton?"

A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops. - Henry Adams

A student chewing gum and a cow chewing cud; the only difference is the intelligent expression on the cow's face. - Mrs. Reed, my high school English teacher

Homework is just an excuse to make kids work at home. - Shawn P.

I don't mind if you sleep in class. Only, please do not snore. You are disturbing others who are trying to sleep. - Dr. C. Rao, UW-Whitewater

If there is a nonessential phrase, you stick it in commas. Commas are the garbage bags of grammar. - My high school English teacher

If you aren't going to listen, at least pretend to listen! - My science teacher (anon)

'The juvenile sea squirt wanders through the ocean searching for a suitable rock or hunk of coral to cling to and make its home for life. When it finds its spot and takes root, it doesn't need its brain any it eats it. It's rather like getting tenure.' - Michael Scriven

'Where's your sense of adventure?' 'At home in bed where every good sense of adventure should be at 7:30 AM' -overheard in calculus class

(on a lecturer's door): The probability of finding me in this office is inversely proportional to the magnitude of your urgency.

...Yes, the lectures are optional. Graduation is also optional. - Professor Brian Quinn

A good teacher stretches his students. A good student stretches his teacher.

A grade 9 history test question: Give the number of automobiles produced in America during the year of your choice. My answer? 1806: none

A lecture is a process where information is passed from the notebook of the lecturer to the notebook of the student without necessarily passing through the minds of either.

A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard

A typical class in high school: show up, get rid of your homework, get new homework, leave.

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students. - John Ciardi

B2 Hamerschlag: We're the best freshman floor this year, and at the rate we're going, we'll be the best freshman floor next year, too.

Bad spellers of the world Untie!

Cogito ergo sumo: I think therefore I am a huge fat wrestler.

Define the Universe and give three examples. - Anonymous

For those who had not passed their Latin vocabulary test for the day there was afternoon makeup. With the teacher slightly hidden behind the room door writing on the blackboard a slightly tardy student entered. Glancing about the room hurriedly he said in a loud voice 'Where is the old goat?'. From behind the door came a soft, bleating, baaaaa.

Freshmen don't run, they scamper. They're like hamsters.

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