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Leave a beep after the message please.

(With loud music playing in the background) "Hello... HELLO?? I can't hear you! What? Oh.. we're not home, leave a message."

*Phantom of the opera music playing* Hi this is Diana, I can't come to the phone right now but if you leave your name and number with the Phantom he will tell me you called and I'll get back to you. Bye.

... If you want to send a fax... buy me a fax machine.

[Carefully modulated English accent, like Alex in "A Clockwork Orange"] Oh, my brothers and only droogs, your poor narrator's not in now - he's out on his oddy-nocky looking for a bit of pretty polly - some young devotchka with horrorshow grooties. Leave thy message after the malinky beepie-weep, and I'll get back to thee later, righty-right.

A is for Academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here.

Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Marlin can't come to the phone right now. He's either saving the universe from some dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nappie. Leave your name and number after the beep and he will return your call.

As you can see, we're not at home. So leave a message at the sound of the tone. If you're a burglar we're not gone at all. We're cleaning our shotguns and screening your call.

Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, just hang up.

Hello, this is David. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. I don't guarantee that one of them will call you back -- only that I won't.

Hello, you've reached me. If you don't know who me is, you've dialed the wrong number.

Hello, you've reached the psychiatric hotline. If you are obsessive/compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you have multiple personalities, press 2, 3, 4, and 5. If you are simply paranoid, just stay on the line - we know who you are.

Hello. Here are my answers to last weeks messages, in order of their arrival. Yes. Maybe. At seven. You'll get it tomorrow. For sure. Get me that phone number. Thanks, I take my messages on Mondays.

Hello?... uh huh... yeah... oh, wait, can you say that again? This time after the beep please. thanks!

Hi! Dave's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

Hi, I can't come to the phone right now because I'm out at the Crystal Ball with Prince Charming. But if you have any offers of free gifts, please leave a message and I'll be SURE to call you back.

Hi, this is Alex. If you're the bill collectors, I have no money. If you're my parents, I need money. If you're one of my guys, you owe me money. If you're a beautiful single girl, I'll call you back- money is no problem, baby!

Hi, this is Trev. Now that I've made your day, how about you make mine and leave me a message?

Hi, we are probably at home we are just screening our calls to avoid someone we don't like. Leave a message and if we don't call back it was you!

Hi,you have just dialed 911. Normally we would ask you to state the nature of the emergency, however we're all out at lunch. If you would like to leave your name, number and emergency, we will return your call as soon as we get back. If it is a very important emergency, just go outside and scream for help. That always works pretty well in the movies. Good Luck.

Hi. Now you say something.

Hi...we're in a heated argument because she likes to do it up and down and i like to do it side to side. As you can see, we're REALLY busy, so leave a message after the beep. Oh yeah, we're brushing our teeth.

I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it...I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.

I can't come to the phone now, so... Hey -- that's a nice phone you have there. Hey sugar, you call this number often? I bet you have answering machines bothering you all the time... Yes indeedy. Why don't you give me a call sometime and we can listen to some old recordings... I might even play my beep for you.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says: I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.


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