Signatures for every season.
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?" The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped, "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
Christmas is weird. It's the only time of year when we love to sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks.
Christmas: "I'm sure on the eve of the nativity when the tall Magi smacked his forehead on the crossbeam while entering the stable... Joseph took a second away from pondering who impregnated his wife and laughed his little carpenter ass off." - Dennis Miller
Christmas: 'Twas The Night Before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring ... just me and my mouse.
Christmas: A dose of reality during December: Kill a tree for Christ.
Christmas: All I want for Christmas is a box of Smurfs and a mallet.
Christmas: Be Naughty - save Santa the trip.
Christmas: Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is your list of girls who were naughty.
Christmas: I don't care who you are. Get the reindeer off my foot!
Christmas: If Santa gets stuck in your chimney, just go up on your roof and pour a can of Santa Flush in it.
Halloween: A pagan holiday perpetuated by the American Dental Association.
Remember, it's the thought that counts. Think money.
Remembrance Day: If you enjoy your freedom, THANK A VET.
Thanksgiving: Today all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment: halftime.
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