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You'd think speaking would be easy, wouldn't you? We've all been doing it for years. Well it ain't. We get our mords wixed up all the time... Now you can offer your friends' verbal slip-ups to the world. Dedicated to your verbal blunders, great and small.

"And all I have to do is be at home. And that won't be hard - I live at home!" - Aaron (your humble moderator)

"I am an insomniac, so I was really excited when I was able to get a full night's sleep. I said to a friend, 'Just keep your fingers crossed that I get lucky again tonight!' Realizing what I said, I tried to correct it and said, 'No, I mean, I just hope that I get some tonight!' After that, I decided to shut up." - Julie, USA.

"I could charge you with sexual assault, but I won't if you sleep with me." - Marian to Byron

"I just hate it when people ask me food and I have questions in my mouth!" - Ellie B.

"There are 2 ways to do it - my way and the right way" - my sleep deprived sister

"There's something in this room that makes you can't speak well." - Gill, 3/2/98

"When you hand in your paper, don't just barf out your information on your page. Pick out the juicy tidbits, arrange them carefully on the sheet, and then hand it in to me." -- My Junior High Teacher

"You're both a couple of idiots" - Byron while eating ice cream with a baguette.

'I feel like I should have a great idea right now. But I don't.' - Noam

'I like my baked potatoes with just a little bit of... nothing.'

(when answering the phone and realizing it was his supervisor asking to come in to work) 'This isn't me... it's my brother.'

A co-worker had herbal cough drops that had Echinacea in them, and when she offered me one during a coughing fit, she said "do you want one of these new cough drops with euthenasia in it?" Um, thanks, I'll pass...

A friend and I were discussing how often we get paid, weekly or bi-weekly. Ross, one of our friends, said that he gets paid 'nightly.' The teacher walked in and said, 'Yeah, but a nickel doesn't go as far as it used to.'

A friend of mine has recently been diagnosed with asthma. She had forgot her medicine and been wheezing all night. The next day as we went to lunch, she said she had a pain in her abdomen. As we passed the human resources department, I said "Of course it hurts, you were straining your diaphragm all night long."

A friend of mine was at a drive-thru window with a carload of buddies (all were under the influence of pot) and said something that ended up being extremely funny to the other stoned people. So, as the drive-thru girl is asking them what they want, all that you can hear in the car is raucous laughter. So the driver of the car turns around to his passengers and yells, loud enough for the girl to hear and then some, 'GUYS, SHUT THE HELL UP, OR SHE'LL KNOW WE'RE ON DRUGS!!'

A friend of mine was on a date with her boyfriend and meaning to order oil and vinegar dressing, he accidentally asked for vinegar and water dressing. Without blinking the waiter asked 'would you like any other feminine hygiene products on your salad, sir?' - Taylor

A friend of mine was studying a map and trying to concentrate on figuring out where we were, looked up and with complete seriousness, said, 'We're not too far from where we are.'

A friend's husband had a student in his class on social Darwinism submit the entire final exam about the 'survival of the fetus'. - Jessie Powell

A very good friend of mine, when I first met her, was telling me what types of things she liked to do. I met her at a Center for Talented Youth. 'I like music. Especially, you know, the kind you listen to.'

After a long, panicked email about the upcoming disasters of Y2K, the sun cycles, and environmental woes, my daughter added as a P.S. 'how long does canned ravioli last?'

An ex (at the time she was my 'current', of course) and I were watching one of the Airplane movies. In one scene Ethel Merman launches into song... my ex turned to me and in total seriousness asked 'I wonder if she was alive when she was in this movie...'

Are there any Protestants left? - my friend Whitney during social studies class

As we were driving uphill I said to my son, 'My ears are popping'. He replied, 'Can I hear?'

At an academic competition, a proctor said, after reading the question, 'a) the heterozygote progeny of the orgasm would be Aa.' Not realizing what he said until after all 1300 of us were cracking up. The next question very few schools answered correctly. He then said 'Apparently everyone was too busy thinking about their personal lives after that last question.'

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