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You'd think speaking would be easy, wouldn't you? We've all been doing it for years. Well it ain't. We get our mords wixed up all the time... Now you can offer your friends' verbal slip-ups to the world. Dedicated to your verbal blunders, great and small.

At my house, celebrating Y2K, there was another person who had the same name as me, so when my friend asked 'Noah, what game are you playing' I responded 'Which me?'

Barbara Walters was on the David Letterman show last week. She was discussing her upcoming interview with Monica Lewinsky. She was referring to Monica's low key lifestyle now. Ms. Walters says she just stays inside, knits, 'and hasn't opened her mouth in the last year, at least to talk.' Her comment left Letterman dumfounded and a very red Ms. Walters.

Does that mean they have more numbers as well? (This was said by my friend Kathy when told that the Danish language has more letters in it than English!)

Every time I hear that phone, it's ringing. - Heather (from Kelsey)

From my medical school professor regarding sexually transmitted diseases, 'Not only can they be spread longitudinally among a population, but also horizontally.'

Heard on a bus in Orlando - "As you exit the vehicle, please lower your head and watch your step. If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your language."

I asked my friend what I should get my dad for Christmas and she suggested a two-year planner. I said, 'No, he wouldn't use it. He's not like my mom. He doesn't have to write everything down so he won't remember it.'

I had a student this semester write a paper which concluded with the following statement. 'I think all people should be exposed to different faucets of society.' I resisted the temptation to ask him if he meant just the indoor taps, like the bathroom and the kitchen, or if he meant the outdoor spigots as well.

I have a friend named Sara who is known to say some pretty stupid things. Well, a couple years ago at my birthday party, I said something pretty stupid and one of my friends said, 'Sara must be rubbing off on her.' And in all seriousness Sara swallows her cake and asks, 'What am I rubbing on her?'

I have a friend who likes to add 'ee' to the end of everything. He'll call a book a 'book-ee' or a chair a 'chair-ee'. One day, he was asking our math teacher about a test our class had taken, and he yelled out loud, 'Mrs. Johnston? Where are our test-ees?'

I love being the hostess. It's so easy to get home at the end of the night. - Brittany

I was always kind of scared by my mother's obsession with the 'good scissors.' It implied that somewhere in the house lurked... the evil scissors.

I was buying a scratch ticket called 'the game of life' and I actually asked the clerk if I could get a life.

I was listening to a program on the radio about life after death experiences. Only this one was by the author of a book named 'To Hell and Back' recalling those who had experience of going to hell. At the end of the program, the host was telling how the listeners could get a copy of the book and said, "For just $10 we will send you 'to Hell and Back'"

I was talking to my friends online, trying to decide where to meet. One of them had jokingly suggested China (we live in Canada), so I told my friend who was over that China had been suggested. She said 'um... how about somewhere that actually exists?'

I was talking to my friends, telling them about my evening plans, and I said, 'I have to go home and eat my family for dinner.' Two years later they still make fun of me for it.

I work for a company that prints custom T-shirts, and one day one of our salesmen said he was going to stop by a customer of his that sells lumber. He was telling me how he had a design idea in mind for them. As a take off on the 'Got Milk?' ads he had sold a shirt design to a brewery saying 'Got Beer?'. He said he thought this idea would work really well for the lumber yard. In all seriousness, he was going to propose they print the backs of their shirts with 'Got Wood?'.

Is anyone else here exhausted to the point of death? - Shannon

Is the Pope Jewish? - Whitney during social studies class

It shot up like a meteor! - Aaron your humble moderator describing Netscape stock.

Listen, you don't have to buy me some fancy, expensive rhinestones... just get me the fake ones! (Terri, who apparently didn't realize that rhinestones ARE the fake ones!!)

Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards. - said by R. Dickson

Mary and Laura come home after a party. Laura is completely drunk. Mary guides Laura to her bed and tells her to be quiet, so that she won't wake their parents. Mary goes to her own room. Five minutes late, Laura shouts out... "AM I BEING QUIET ENOUGH?"

My (single male) director at rehearsal, while trying to say 'If you are having problems with your costumes, see me immediately,' he accidentally said, 'If you are having problems with your costume, sleep with me immediately.'

My 5 year old daughter was explaining how the brain works, by making other parts of your body move. I asked her how the messages travel down the spinal cord, and she explained that there are nerds in there that carry the messages.

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