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When your own wording just won't cut it. Your tongue cleaves to your pallette, and your hands start sweating... You need Quotes from Coolsig! Sage signatures from those in the know...

I love scandals about other people, but scandals about myself don't interest me. They have got no charm of novelty. - Oscar Wilde

I only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either. - Scott Adams

I regret to say that we of the F.B.I. are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce. - J. Edgar Hoover

I've been in Take That and the Spice Girls... Well, not all of them. (Robbie Williams)

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base. - Dave Barry

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it. - W.C. Fields

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out? - Will Rogers

Into every life a little rain must fall, but I think someone's mistaken me for Noah. - Allison Raul

Lady Astor: "If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea."
Winston Churchill: "Madam, if I were your husband, I'd drink it!"

Life is like a box of chocolates...a cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable, because all you get back is another box of chocolates. You're stuck with this undefinable whipped-mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to eat. Sure, once in a while, there's a peanut butter cup, or an English toffee. But they're gone too fast, and the taste is fleeting. So you end up with broken bits, filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts, and if you're desperate enough to eat those, all you've got left is an empty box...filled with useless, brown paper wrappers. - 'Musings of a Cigarette-Smoking Man,' The X-Files

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. - John Lennon

Loyalty isn't standing by someone when he's right... that's good judgement. Loyalty is standing by someone when he's wrong. - Susan Estrich

Memory isn't the facts, it's just a record you keep to yourself. With the facts, memory is useless. - Guy Pearce in Memento

Millions yearn for immorality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. - Susan Ertz

Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence. - Napoleon Bonaparte

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move. - David Letterman

Oh, well. She's dead. Let's move on, shall we? - Willy Wonka

Putting the 10 commandments up to prevent crime is like putting 'Employees must wash hands' up to keep the piss out of your burger. - John Stewart

Reader, suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of Congress, but I repeat myself. - Mark Twain

Sincerity is the key. If you can fake that, you've got it made. - George Burns

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. - Woody Allen

There is a very fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. - Oscar Levant

There is luck in chess. My opponent was lucky that he was playing against an idiot. - Jim Loy

There won't be anything we won't say to people to try and convince them that our way is the way to go. - Bill Gates

There's a lot we should be able to learn from history. And yet history proves that we never do. In fact, the main lesson of history is that we never learn the lessons of history. This makes us look so stupid that few people care to read it. They'd rather not be reminded. Any good history book is mainly just a long list of mistakes, complete with names and dates. It's very embarrassing. - A. Whitney Brown, The Big Picture

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