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No matter where you live, no matter what you do, some of these things are always true.

It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.

It's a biiiig mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.

It's a small world. Then the airline loses your luggage.

Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean.

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstyle you like.

Love ain't nothin' but sex misspelled. -- short story by Harlan Ellison

Love is like the measles, we all have to go through it.

Money may not buy happiness, but it sure makes misery much easier to live with.

Mother Teresa once said, “The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted.”

My son was opening gifts at his 7th birthday party when he came to one with clothes in it. He opened it up, looked at it, then handed it to me. 'Here, Mom, it's laundry,' he said.

No matter how many years pass teachers will always use the word obviously, without ever knowing what it means.

No one can carry on a sane relationship with anyone, because getting involved in a relationship is insane.

No one feels as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

One good turn gets most of the blankets.

Only a pessimist complains about the noise when oppurtunity knocks.

People who say 'Don't Postpone Joy' are usually in outrageous credit card debt. - Daniel Casey

People would enjoy life more if, once they got what they wanted, they could remember how much they wanted it.

Religion cannot be without morality, but morality may arrive without religion.

Some people are so sensitive they'd feel snubbed if an epidemic overlooked them.

Some people aren't happy unless they're unhappy. -- Joe S. Cline

Sometimes the squeaky wheel doesn't get the grease, it just gets replaced.

Success is when your name is in everything but the phone book.

The bad guys don't always wear black hats, the good guys rarely win, and the cavalry never, ever shows up just in the nick of time!

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.

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