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Battle of the Sexes! Man vs. Woman, Mars vs. Venus

I said to my wife, "You know, if I had brains I'd be dangerous." She said, "If you had brains you'd be a woman."

I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better.

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

If a man says something in the middle of a forest and there isn't a woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

If a man tells a woman she's beautiful she'll overlook most of his other lies.

If they can send a man to the moon, why can't they send all of 'em?

If you take a dog in and feed it, it will remain loyal to you and never turn on you. This is the principle difference between a man and a dog. - Mark Twain

It begins when you sink into his arms and ends with your arms in the sink.

It's funny...all over the world women stop working in the middle of a field, lay down to give birth, and get right back to work. But give a man a cold and suddenly he's 2 years old and can't blow his own nose.

Little girls grow to become young women. Little boys have a job for life!

Make love, not war - hell, do both, get married!

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished...

Marriage is much like communism, it works best in theory.

Men are like blenders. You need one, but you don't know why.

Men are like chocolate bars - soft, smooth, and they always go to your hips.

Men are like Computers -- they're easy to turn on, but once everything's loaded up, they're hard to work and stubbornly refuse to do what you command.

Men have dogs because they want a best friend dumber than they are. Women want that too, but they already have men. -Bill Engvall

Men! They sweep you off your feet then try to hand you the broom!

Men are like Roses, Watch Out For The Pricks.

My husband says he will leave me if I don't stop shopping... God I will miss that man.

My Mother-In-Law keeps asking why we haven't had children. I figure having a husband AND a child would be redundant.

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled: 'Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.'

My wife told me I should be more affectionate, so I got two girlfriends.

Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

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