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One liners. Lot's of 'em. 'nuff said.

The British have a reputation for keeping calm even when there is no crisis.

The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less...

The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on forecasters.

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

The wages of sin are eternal damnation. (the hours are good though)

There's a typo in this sentence, but it slides away when your eyes move toward it.

There's no future in time travel.

They say when nature calls you should answer it, I say let the answering machine get it.

This email is never sent unsolicited. It is only sent to you because you are lucky enough to know the sender.

This isn't burger king, you can't have it your way.

Those nicotine patches seem to work really well, but I heard it's kinda hard to keep em' lit.

Time flies when you're in a coma.

Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately, it eventually kills all its students.

Today's subliminal thought is:

Today, my marker board reads: 'This month is Farm Animal Awareness Week.' It is also National Singles week. Please do NOT get the two mixed up.

Two people in every one is a schizophrenic.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

Ways to Relieve Stress #10. Make up a language and ask people for directions.

We all can't be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the sides and clap as they go by.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart.

We now return you to abnormal programming.

We reserve the right to arm bears.

We're all our fathers' fastest swimmers.

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

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