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One liners. Lot's of 'em. 'nuff said.

I like feminists - I think they're cute.

I'd give a thousand dollars to be one of them there millionaires!

I'm gonna survive or die trying.

I've got a plan so sharp you could pick your teeth with it.

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

If genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration, I wind up sharing elevators with a lot of bright people.

If God had meant us to travel economy class, he would have made us narrower.

If I'm ignorant, that's the first I've heard of it!

If ignorance is bliss, I guess that would explain why I'm so miserable!

If it were truly the thought that counted, more women would be pregnant.

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn't, and a sense of humor to console him for what he is.

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, but only if no betting is involved.

It's a little known fact that the Dark Ages were caused by unresolved Y1K issues.

It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

It's so cold here, the lawyers have there hands in their own pockets!

Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

Knowledge is often mistaken for intelligence. This is like mistaking a cup of milk for a cow.

Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor.

Leave road kill for the next car.

Life - it's nothing like the Brochure!

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, tension mounted, clicked his spurs and rode off.

Monarchs are acceptable, but we draw the line at Rulers.

Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired.

Much can be achieved with a smile. Admittedly, much more can be achieved with a smile and a gun.

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