One liners. Lot's of 'em. 'nuff said.
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Broken promises don't bother me at all. I just wonder why they keep believing me.
But looking ridiculous IS the fashion this year!
By the time they had diminished from 50 to eight, the other dwarves began to suspect "Hungry".
Carpenter's rule: cut to fit. Beat into place.
Clones are people two.
Condense soup, not books.
Corduroy pillows - they're making headlines!
Crime doesn't pay, but the hours are good.
Customer: Waiter, this coffee tastes like mud!
Waiter: It should, sir, it was ground this morning.
DCLXVI - Roman numeral of the Beast
Dear Journal: I've figured out what's been causing my writer's cramp, that's why this is my last entry.
Death called while you were out, so I gave him your pager number.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Do you know that if all the smokers were laid end to end around the world, three quarters of them would drown?
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Don't abuse marijuana... smoke it gently and carefully.
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
Einstein said that talking to yourself is a sign of intelligence. Answering yourself, however, is a sign of insanity.
Elephants wear tu-tus so they can hide in pine trees. Did you ever see an elephant in a pine tree? No? Well then, you know it works.
Elvis is dead, Mozart is dead, Einstein is dead, and I'm not feeling so great myself.
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
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