Some real groaners here. Then again, have you ever heard a pun that wasn't?
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
Two guys sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank - proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? Dam!
What did the pencil say to the paper? I dot my i's on you!
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.
What happens when you illegally park a frog? It gets toad away.
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table.
What's brown, furry, and makes a funny noise when you sit on it? A wookie cushion.
Where do kings keep their armies? In their sleevies!
Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have phones.
Why aren't fishmongers generous? Their business makes them selfish.
You can lead a horse to water, but, a pencil must be lead.
You Need Degas to Make De Van Gogh
"I see" said the blind man, as he picked up his hammer and saw.
A buddhist asks a hot dog vendor for his change, and the vendor replies 'change comes from within'.
Quasimodo... hmmm yes that name does ring a bell.
Racial prejudice is just a pigment of the imagination.
Some monings I wake up grouchy, others I let her sleep.
Thor, the God of fire crossed the skies on his hoarse shouting to all people 'I'm THOR! I'm THOR!' to which his horse replied 'Of course you're thor, thilly, you forgot to put the thaddle on!'
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