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Don't know what that word means? Don't reach for your dictionary... check out Coolsig's definitions first. 'they're not correct, but they're fun'

Punctuality: the virtue of the bored.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Reality: A crutch for people who can't face drugs.

Recession: A period when you go without things your grandparents never heard of.

Recursion: see Recursion.

Redundancy is just basically saying something over and over and over again.

Reference Manual: Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg.

Relativity: Sit next to a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. Sit on a red-hot stove for a minute, it seems like an hour.

Researcher: One who pulls habits out of rats.

Santatarianism: The belief that when you die your soul gets stuck in the chimney.

School: Place where people learn how to copy textbooks, for that common situation in later life when the photocopier breaks and you really need part of a book you aren't allowed to borrow.

Selfishness: Not being considerate of other people's selfishness.

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

Slander: To lie, or tell the truth about someone.

Snackmosphere: The 95% air inside a bag of chips.

Solicitor: A person that makes sure they get what's coming to you.

Stress: The confusion created when ones mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living crap out of some butthead who desperately needs it.

Tact: The ability to describe others as they see themselves. - Abraham Lincoln

Taxpayer: Someone who doesn't have to take a public service exam to work for the government.

Television: The electronic device that alternates between extreme violence and finding great long-distance rates.

The normal, in physics is a line that is ninety degrees from reality.

Tourist: Someone who goes 3,000 miles to get a picture in front of his car.

Vacation: A time when parents realize that teachers aren't paid enough.

Vinylocity: The strange atmospheric force that makes the shower curtain blow towards you while trying to shower.

Willpower: The ability to eat only one salted peanut.


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