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Don't know what that word means? Don't reach for your dictionary... check out Coolsig's definitions first. 'they're not correct, but they're fun'

Hoochie: Anyone in the first 5 rows at a boyband concert.

Hope: Enjoyment of the future in advance.

Hospital: Where they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill.

Hospitality: Making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.

Idealist: One who upon observing that a rose smells better than a cabbage concludes that it will also make better soup.

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".

Insane: When you're nuts and it bothers you. (Crazy is when you're nuts and you like it).

Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.

Kleptomaniac: One who can't help himself from helping himself.

Lactomangulation: Manhandling the 'open here' spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.

Laziness: Resting before you get tired.

Love is when the akward silences aren't akward.

Microchips: what's left at the bottom of the bag when it reaches you.

Mixed emotions: Watching the school burn down when your new catcher's mitt is in your desk.

Occam's Razor: the simpler an explanation, the more likely it is to be true. Murphy's Blunt Instrument: the more convoluted and conspiritual an explanation, the more likely it is to be believed.

Ocean: A body of water occupying 2/3 of a world made for man who has no gills.

Optimism: It will all come out in the wish

Oregon (n) (Or-eh-gun): When, after two days of rain, Monday arrives.

Pain: A cat licking your sunburn.

Paper clip: The larval stage of coat hangers.

Politics: From the words 'poly' meaning 'many' and 'ticks' as in 'small, blood-sucking parasites'.

Polynesia: Memory loss in parrots.

Profanity: Strong words said by weak people.

Profanity: The linguistic crutch of inarticulate bastards

Psychiatrist: A person who tries to figure out whether an infant has more fun in infancy than an adult has in adultery.

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