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Turn to Coolsig for the best advice on the net. Always!

If you and your friend are being chased by a grizzly bear, don't worry about out-running the bear, just worry about out-running your friend.

If you are going to walk on thin ice you might as well dance.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

If you haven't much education you must use your brain.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

If you put your nose to the grindstone, you'll get a flat face.

If you receive something that says 'Send this to everyone you know', pretend you don't know me. -Roy Johnson

If you see a snake, just kill it. Don't appoint a committee on snakes. - H. Ross Perot

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

If you think your wife's jewelry is an investment, try selling a few pieces.

If you treat every situation like a life or death matter, be prepared to die a lot of times.

If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.

If you walk under a ladder, and it falls down on you, it probably means bad luck.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

If you're not part of the solution, be part of the problem!

If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory. -Benjamin Disraeli

If you're walking on thin ice, make sure you know how to swim well.

In difficult moments, behave like a duck. Keep calm and unruffled on the surface, but keep paddling away underneath.

It is better to give a rock out of love than a diamond out of duty.

It is better to keep your mouth shut, and look like a fool, than to open your mouth, and remove all doubt.

It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do a little.

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