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Battle of the Sexes! Man vs. Woman, Mars vs. Venus

When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that!"

As a sex, we are vastly superior to men, but it is taboo to show it.

Boys are like lava lamps: fun to look at but not so bright.

MENtal anxiety! MENstrual cramps! MENopause! Don't you notice that all our problems begin with MEN!

They call it P.M.S. because "mad cow disease" was already taken.

A couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words 'sex' and 'love.' The woman wrote 'When two people love each other very much, like Bob and I, it is morally acceptable for them to engage in sex.' And Bob wrote 'I love sex.'

A little bit of powder, a little bit of paint, makes a girl's complexion seem what it ain't

A man generally has two reasons for doing a thing. One that sounds good, and a real one.

A man is like a fine wine. He starts out raw as grapes and it's a woman's job to stomp on him and keep him in the dark until he matures into something she'd like to have dinner with.

A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart but he's not very bright.

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs, a woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn't.

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh. - Conan O'Brien

A woman is like a teabag - only in hot water do you realize how strong she is.

A woman who strives to be equal to a man lacks ambition.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. - Gloria Steinem

A woman's place is in the House... or the Senate.

Adam was a rough draft.

After a few weeks of Adam being by himself in the garden of Eden, he got lonely. So he went to God and asked for a companion. God said he would look into it and get back to him the next day. So the next day God went to Adam and said 'Here Adam, I can make a beautiful woman that cooks, irons, cleans, never complains and is pretty much just what you want, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg, what do you think' Adam thought for a few seconds and then asked 'what can I get for a rib?'-David Moir

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

Always remember that if she does not make your standards... lower your standards!

An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested in her he is.

An English professor wrote on the blackboard: Punctuate this sentence: 'Woman without her man is nothing'. The men wrote: 'Woman, without her man, is nothing.' All the women wrote: 'Woman! Without her, man is nothing.'

Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no point in two people remembering the same thing...

Before you meet your prince you have to kiss a lot of toads.

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